did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i've created a new STD.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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