I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize