I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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