I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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