Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
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So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
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Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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