if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
