I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
love makes seman taste better
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
