McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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