I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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