i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off