My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
