i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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