The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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