he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i dont even know how to be here
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
