Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
