The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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