So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
