I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
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Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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