I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
