The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
