my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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