The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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