ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I love you.
Bad choice
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
