im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
