Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
