I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
