I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
