trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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