Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
