They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
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somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
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Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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