i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Randomize