So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
