I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
