He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
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3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
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So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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