I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
