You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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