If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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