I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
