Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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