at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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