What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
