Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
