I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
