i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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