He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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