You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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