Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
