Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
