Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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