I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
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