You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
