can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You pole danced in your parka.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
