I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
