I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
