I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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