the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
