i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No I am not eating basil off your cock
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
