Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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