Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
