Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
