i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
