i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
