Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
