My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
