You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you inspire me to be a worse person
Houston, we have a squirter
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
