Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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