I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
