i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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