these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
