How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
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i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
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I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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