We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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