Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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