oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
