I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
