I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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