If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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