Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
