i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
God I need to hump something, right now.
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