I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
