I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
