She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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