Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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