I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
