I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
