I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
