Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He shit in the fireplace
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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