I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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