Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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