we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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