i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
